I am not sure what is going on...probably a combination of several things.
- Right now, I am chalking it up to unbelievable amounts of stress involved with purchasing a home and moving my aging parents across the state in the next few weeks. The next three weekends are filled with "to do" lists of painting, landscaping, packing, moving, phone calls, etc, etc, etc.
- In addition, I am preparing my students for the state mandated Math and Reading tests the last week of April. Despite what you may read in the press...most teachers work their a$$ off and care about their students and always go the extra mile for their kiddos to try and help them learn and be successful. I am one of those teachers. I have a class full of children with a grocery list of different learning styles, abilities, and special needs. I am doing everything I can to try and help each and every one of those children be successful on this test. I may not agree with state-mandated testing...but since the grand state of Texas says I have to give it...then, I am going to make sure my students are darn well prepared to pass it.
- Despite warnings to "not worry" about the future of my employment, I am justifiably a tad worried. Since I chose to stay home a few years with my two Kindergarten-aged children, this is the first year that I have returned to work and I am considered a "first-year" teacher by my school district, despite my experience. Because of this status and because of state budget woes, there is a chance of teachers like me having their jobs eliminated. While this wouldn't be the end of the world, it sure will put a dent in our ability to put our older two sons through college and pay our mortgage and groceries, and gas, and electricity, and, and, and, etc, etc, etc... We have worked very hard to be free of credit card debt and not have that over our heads. We have had many summers of no vacations and no splurging on the extras. I do not want to resort to ever having to use a credit card to just make ends meet one month.
- My oldest child celebrates his 21st birthday today. As proud of him as I am...I just don't feel old enough to be the mother of a 21 year old! It just seems like the other day that I turned 21! There is a side of me that simply is amazed that I am all of the sudden in my mid-40's and this is a bit depressing, needless to say.
- Possibly TMI...but another problem with being in my mid-40s is the whole female PMS thing is just getting worse and worse each and every month. I used to think PMS and the whole hormone thing was just an excuse that some women used for b-tchy behavior...now? I'm thinking that PMS is actually a legitimate thing. Who knew?
So...how am I coping with all of this?
One Day at a Time.
One Meal at a Time.
One Decision at a Time.
One Bite at a Time.
Moment by moment.
I know that this time will soon pass and I will be feeling more like my optimistic self again...but until then...it's one day at a time.