Day 50 - Food? Not Ever on My Mind Anymore!

As I get ready to type this post, I CANNOT believe that I have been eating Paleo for 50 days!  I came into this journey somewhat reluctantly and dragging my feet.  Hubby was gung-ho and on board and I felt somewhat guilted into coming along for the ride.  As a lifelong food abuser/indulger, I did not want to be grounded from the things in life that give me relief and pleasure...most notably high fat, deep fried, grain-based carbohydrates.

But, come along I did and here I am almost two months later still on the reservation!  As I have posted before, this just does not seem like a diet to me.  It has been a change in lifestyle and way of thinking.  Yes, we are eating things differently.  Yes, we are feeling healthier.  Yes, our clothes keep growing bigger and bigger.  Yes, we have more energy.  But...No, we don't feel deprived or cheated like we are on a restrictive diet.

I am ashamed to think about how much time I spent pre-Paleo thinking about food.  What was I going to make for dinner?  What would I have for lunch?  What am I going to make for dinner tomorrow night?  Making sure I made a lot so there would be lots of leftovers so that I could gobble them up the next day.  Making the excuse of taking the kids for a fast food meal because I was "tired" when it was really me that wanted the burgers and fries.  Time spent looking at recipes online....planning high-fat, heavy meals of lasagna and garlic bread or chicken enchiladas and rice and beans.  As ridiculous as this sounds (unless you are a chronic "fat girl" like me), I could tell you what to order at every fast food restaurant that was "car-worthy".  That is, something you could gobble up in your car quickly for a quick "fix" before getting home and still be able to eat the next meal because no one would know you just ate in the car.  It's embarrassing...but I have a feeling that there are many, many people who have furtively eaten in their cars before.  I certainly didn't invent the practice.

I don't do that anymore.  Not ever.  And if I do think about food, it is more the case of thinking about it last minute when walking in the door at 6pm figuring out what I can make for dinner that will be quick, tasty, and Paleo.

It's like food used to be a drug for me.  I was like a crack addict.  Just thinking about and looking forward to my next hit.

I still enjoy food.  I have made some wonderfully, tasty Paleo dishes.  But here is the difference...it does not control me anymore.  And it's not like I am controlling it...it just isn't that huge of a factor in my life right now.

Perhaps it is because other issues have taken over every spare moment I have.  Perhaps the good Lord in His omniscient wisdom knew that this would be a good time in my life to nudge me towards Paleo.    Between moving my parents here from Houston, getting their house repaired and ready, working full-time and trying to get my students ready for the state-mandated accountability tests, upcoming Easter holidays, worrying if state budge woes will eliminate my position at the school where I teach, and the general daily chaos of taking care of a family of 6...food has just been way down on my priority list of things to think about.

I have a feeling that if I had not been introduced to Paleo, I would not be handling the stress as graceful as I am at this moment.  I also have a feeling I would have gained another 10 pounds in the last couple of months. Perhaps the reason I am handling it all so well is that I AM eating Paleo.  It is helping me to forget about my food addiction (dare I say eliminate?) and focus on those things that truly need my attention.  In addition, Paleo is allowing me to physically be able to cope with the pandemonium in my life right now.  I spent the weekend painting and working on my parents' new house.  I could not have done that 2 months ago without being drop dead exhausted...and right now, I feel fine.

I am a believer and I think that between my doctor telling me about Mr. Wolf's book, my brother and sister-in-law starting on the diet, my husband reading the book, and my own self-inflicted "guilt" that I needed to actually do something and take action...God used all of those things to teach me that food doesn't have to control the way I cope with life.

I am not saying that I have solved my food issues...because I know they are still there and I am most likely one bad night of slipping up with a bag of chips and a bowl of salsa from sinking back down into the abyss...but right now, I am on the bright side and crawling up towards the light and feeling hopeful that maybe I could someday be a normal person after all.