Day 78 - Time for the "E" Word!

I admit it.  I HATE exercise.  I have never liked exercise.  Never ever.  Not when I was little.  Not ever.  Never, ever, ever!

As sad as it is...I have done everything the Paleo Solution has recommended that I do EXCEPT the E word.  Oh, I've tried a few things here and there...some wall push-ups, taken several long walks with hubby or the kids...but I have NOT made any attempt whatsoever to actually start an exercise plan.  I don't want to.  I don't like it.  I don't want to do it.

BUT...I know if I am going to permanently change my life and improve it...then at some point, I am going to have to increase my physical activity.  If I am ever going to truly achieve true health, I am going to have to incorporate exercise into my life.

One of the reasons that I think I have always hated exercise is that I have NEVER been fit or able to compete with my peers...even at what others would just say is a normal fitness level.  I can VIVIDLY remember being in the fifth grade in a small West Texas elementary school.  Back in the early 70's, school children were given the "President's Physical Fitness Test".  That's probably not the actual name, but that is how I remember it.  There were various tasks from hanging from a chin-up bar to a vertical jump to the traditional sit-ups.  As school children, our P.E. teacher "trained" us for several weeks before the actual test.  The test culminated in a 1 mile run.  To pass the test, you had to be able to run/walk one mile in 9 minutes or less.  Elementary schools in the 70's did not have running tracks.  Our teacher put out two cones and and one lap (from one cone to the other and back again) was supposed to take you exactly one minutes if you were on track for the 9-minute mile.  Thus, 9 laps equaled one mile.  Even at 10 years old, I could not even run one lap, 1/9 of a mile without getting out of breath and having to stop to walk.  My friends and peers just raced on by me.  For weeks leading up to the practice, I can remember the entire fifth grade being done with the test and watching me as I struggled to finish that darn mile...and it was never in 9 minutes.  I was "Buffalo Butt" and "Porky" and "Fatty, fatty, 2 by 4".  It was humiliating.  It was embarrassing.  It was another notch in the self-degrading negative self-image I had of myself then and continued to have for many, many years.  No wonder by the time I made it past middle school and then high school, I was withdrawn and shy and totally hated myself.

I did find out several years ago though that I have suffer from a very, very mild case of pulmonary hypertension and probably have had elevated pulmonary pressure since I was born.  It is just the way God made me.  Your pulmonary pressure is the "other" side of what most of us think of as blood pressure.  The blood pressure that we think of measures the pressure from your heart to your organs and extremities and back to your heart again.  Pulmonary pressure is the pressure of the short trip the blood makes from your heat to your lungs for oxygen and back to your heart again.  Because of this, I do "run out of breath" quicker than a normal person.

All that being said...that's still no reason to not exercise.  My lung capacity would greatly improve with a concentrated exercise program and I have no idea what I could actually accomplish with my body on a physical level...simply because I've just never really tried.  Sad...I know.

So...what does this all mean?

Well, probably that I have gone off the deep end and can be certified as totally whack-a-doodle!  When dear hubby asked what I wanted for Mother's Day, did I ask for jewelry or flowers?  A massage perhaps?  A night out on the town?  Nope...nada...no way.

For Mother's Day, I asked for (and received) a renewal in my (unused) gym membership and initial meetings with a personal trainer.  CRAZY!  What's wrong with me?  And hubby, who is either thinking he is throwing money away on fantasy thoughts of grandeur or actually might believe in me and that I might accomplish something...didn't just give me a lesson or two...no, he has given me a gift certificate for 10 hours with a private personal trainer.

Good grief!  The old me is disappearing and I have no idea who this new person is who is invading my thoughts and body....what was I thinking?

I'll let you know how it goes!