Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Day Eighteen - The Honeymoon is Over

Well, I knew it would happen sooner or later...but the honeymoon is over!  Kaput!  Done!  Finito!

Today was the first day since going Paleo that I have even had the thought of wanting to cheat or go off plan.  I do not know if it the fact that I have been on the plan now for so long that I am bored with it.  I do not know if it is the fact that I am a teacher and Spring Break is only 2 school days away and like most teachers this time of year, I am desperate for a break!  I do not know if it was the fact that lunch today in the school cafeteria was delicious looking cheese enchiladas with chili on top.  All I do know is that when I saw my fellow teachers chowing down on their enchiladas topped with chili and jalapenos...I really wanted some as well.

Now, I didn't cheat.  I wasn't even close to actual cheating...but the thought was there.  It crossed my mind that those enchiladas sure did look delicious.

A part of me is slightly panicked because I don't even want the smallest nugget of doubt to creep in to my mind that I might not be able to accomplish this.  But the practical part of me says that just having a thought is obviously not cheating and that I am fine.

I guess I am scared because of my scarred diet history.  Like I said in a previous post, I have NEVER been a long-term successful dieter.  I do very well for a week or two, sometimes even longer...and then I mess up...get discouraged...vow to go back on "the program", whatever that might be at the time...try to get back on track...fall off the wagon again...perhaps try one more time...and then give up and gain all my weight back again, usually with a few extra pounds to spare.


This is really working.  I don't want my emotions over food to get in the way of how I am actually treating food these last couple of fuel...instead of as my best friend.  I don't think I am in danger of slipping yet...but it sure did sort of freak me out to even look at something else longingly.

I guess I need to learn how to cope with the fact that I might slip up someday and if (probably more like when) that happens, how am I going to react?  Is it okay to not do something perfectly?  Can you still be successful even though you have bumps along the road?

I wish I knew the answers....

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